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kay. its poster month here at i favourite smegazlne, so get that space ready now! fill you haue to d remDue the free poster from the centre of this issue, taking care not to damage the delicate staples, then unfold tt and iron out the creases. Finally, superglue your poster to the wallpaper and gaze at it in owe. Now take a look at just tin.

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FLASHBACK"

Duane Dibbley comes back to reality in t terrifying tate of Cat turned geek,., again

AED DIDHRF USA

Not only do we review the American plloi of Red Dwarf this issue, but we also brini you Grant and Naylor"s experiences whil( it was being made.

NORMAN LOUETT

The original Holly, interviewed at last!

And there's so much more we haven't ; room to tell you about here, so yo haue to read the thing, won't you

Editor: Mike Butcher Design: Elitta Fell Cover artwork: Nigel Kitching Cover design: Steve Curley

Writers: Steve Lyons, Chris Howarth, Jane Killick, Nigel Kitching. Pa! Kelleher and James Hill

Artists: Nigel Kitching, Ron Smith. Glenn Rix and Kev F Sutherland

Photographers: Mike Vaughan. Elitta Fell. Jane Krllick and Chic Done h in

Production Mark Collings

Typesetting ABC

Repro: Pre Press Services

Thanks to: Rob Grant, Doug Naylor, Norman Lovett. Craig Charles. Chris Barrie. Danny John-Jules. Robert Llewellyn, Hatte Hayndge, Kate Cotton, Colin Howard and They Might Be Giants

Subscriptions: UK ■ £18 per yea/ (p+p FREE). Cheques payable to FLEETWAY EDITIONS LIMITED, send to the address below and mark your envelope RED DWARF SUBSCRIPTIONS. Overseas rates on request

Back issues: There are only a tew available (definitely no copies of issues 1 and 2) - contact the SUBSCRIPTIONS DEPT tor details.

Comments please to: RED DWARF SMEGAZINE Fleetway Editions Limited 25-31 Tavistock Place London WC1H9SU

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"It's so unusual for English writers to be asked to run a show in America and we were very keen to make it possible... (But) The implication over there is not 'let's make good television', it's 'let's get rich'. And they all gave each other high fives after the reading and said 'let's get rich, we're all gonna get rich, this is going to be a truly rich-making programme'. And Doug and I were looking at each other and thinking, 'er... it's s**t!'" — Rob Grant on the American Pilot of Red Dwarf.

REVIEW OF RED DWARF THE AMERICAN PILOT

by Jane Killick

The $1V2 million pilot show designed to sell RED DWARF to American television follows the basic plot of the first British episode THE END (as we told you in SMEGAZINE NO.2).

Lister has smuggled a cat he calls Frankenstein aboard the mining ship RED DWARF against regulations. The cat is detected by the ship's sensors and Lister appeals to Kryten to hide his pregnant pet for him. Needless to say, Lister's plan Is discovered, but he refuses to tell the Captain where Frankenstein is hidden. Kryten is ordered to reveal where the cat is, but he resists questioning and short- circuits himself in the process. Kryten is sent away for repairs while Lister is sent into stasis for six months.

Three million years later, Lister is woken up by the ship's computer, Holly. The rest of the crew are dead from a radiation accident, but Lister isn't alone for long. Second technician Rimmer is resurrected as a hologram; Kryten is picked up from the repair workshop; and they find a creature in the hold who evolved from Frankenstein the Cat.

A vision of Lister, Cat,

Kryten and Christine Kochanski

lote the Ch — the Americans

ouldn't cope with a K)

iaterialise from the future with

a very important message. As their energy level is drained, the Lister from the future tells his past self, "you gotta...", before they vanish from lack of power. Lister believes his future self was trying to tell him he must find a way back to Earth. He ac- cidentally leans on the control panel and RED DWARF zooms off into the distance.

After the end credits, Hol- ly explains what amazing adventures they are going to have, over clips of some of the more spectacular bits from British RED DWARF — the im- plication being you can only find out more if the Network cough up the money to make a series.

The pilot programme didn't impress British fans when it was shown at the DIMENSION JUMP Convention, and it didn't impress the Network who got cold feet over the project.

The opening titles lay down the foundations for the rest of the episode — Todd Rungren's uninspiring music plays over the familiar scenes of Lister painting the outside of the ship (the Americans struck a deal with the Beeb to use UK model shots to save cost). It's as if the titles are a prophecy. The mix of British and American never really gels throughout the episode. The sets, which are vir- tually identical to the British ver-

I DWARF RED DWARF USA

RED DWARF USA RED DWARF

sion, are full of people deliver- ing familar English dialogue in an American accent.

The American Lister is played by a bearded Craig Bierko who is a typical American hero. He comes across well because he brings something new to the part; he acts well and his command of comic delivery is one of the best things about the show. He's not the unkempt lager-swilling Lister we're used to; in fact, Christine Kbchanski is Lister's girlfriend as the story opens.

Rimmer is played by Chris Eigeman, although you wouldn't know he was suppos- ed to be one of the main characters of the show from the pilot. Apart from a couple of brief conversations with Lister about taking the astro- navigation exam, he doesn't really appear until he comes back as a hologram. The

natural reaction when Rimmer is resurrected is 'SO WHAT?', and if I hadn't seen RED DWARF before it probably would have been, 'WHICH ONE WAS RIMMER?'

What saved the show from a total disaster for many people was Robert Llewellyn as Kryten. He gets some of the funniest moments — like when he ex- plains he's spent three million years in the repair workshop reading the 'Fire Exit' sign! This is partly because Robert's been able to develop Kryten's character in England, but also his is the only character that comes anywhere near being defined in the script. He's the friendly android who saves the cat.

What's missing from the American pilot that made RED DWARF's first British episode successful as comedy-drama is the characterisation. Imagine sit-coms like STEPTOE AND SON where Steptoe wasn't "a dirty old man" or ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES where Del didn't pretend he was a rich businessman rather than a dodgy street trader. That's what the American RED DWARF was like, they weren't characters, they were just bodies saying lines. In the opening scene of THE END, Lister and Rimmer's argument about cleaning out the chicken soup nozzle of the dispensing machine shows what a slob Lister is and what a stickler for rules Rimmer is. All this is swept under the carpet in the American version, so the audience never comes to realise the comic possibilities of forcing together two characters — Lister and Rimmer — who don't get on together.

The way the American pilot rushes through the story makes it a bit of a mess. Everything was crammed in to the American TV half hour (which is about twenty-two minutes

because of adverts). What with less time to tell the story, plus the extra plot lines {Kryten and their future selves) — it's hard- ly surprising that the audience was asking, 'what's a hologram?' just as they were wondering, 'what's a stasis field?'.

The Cat (Hinton Battle) made about as much impres- sion as a raindrop in a river. After being found in the hold it was barely minutes before he was an accepted part of the crew. He wasn't a patch on Dan- ny John-Jules.

Holly fans will be interested to know everyone's favourite computer was played by Jane Leeves, who's apparently an English former newsreader. Her delivery was more along the scatty lines of Hattie Hayridge than the dead-pan tones of Nor- man Lovett. She worked well (even though her accent kept drifting back and forth across the Atlantic) and she could have developed a distinctive Holly if given the chance.

Despite its faults, there's no denying the programme's fun- ny, in fact funnier than the first British episode. There were a few American jokes thrown in for good measure — "Three million years! Wow, my baseball cards must be worth a fortune!", although most of the lines were just lifted from the British scripts. It worked as a comedy, but it never really made it as drama.

By all counts, the Ameri- can network were also suitably unimpressed with the pilot and called in Rob Grant and Doug Naylor to salvage what they could. Given four days to prepare and film everything, and a studio Rob described as a "garage", they made a promo.

This film lasts about fifteen minutes and begins with ex- cerpts from RED DWARF V as Once there was

DWARF USA

ni

n i

IF USA RED DWA

CRAIG BIERKO

RED DWARF UK," the screen exclaims, "And now — RED DWARF USA!". It opens with Craig Bierko's Lister recording a message to send back to Earth. Instantly, it's visually more exciting. The camera is tight on Lister's face and light (ailing through a wire mesh casts a honeycomb shadow on the actors.

Rimmer has been re-cast as actor Anthony Fuscle and so has the Cat — as a WOMAN! But even the promo is a hotch- potch of various unrelated clips, precariously hung together by Lister's message as some sort of narration. The clips themselves are taken from the pilot, British RED DWARF (mostly featuring Kryten) and new film.

I DWARF

The female Cat, played by American comedienne, Terri Farrell, is a fearless beast who has nine lives so doesn't mind dying several times! She walks around in a slinky cat-suit and is obviously there for her sex ap- peal (nothing better to increase the ratings). This angered many RED DWARF fans because the show has always been about the last human alive trapped in a masculine world. A female Cat would have obviously changed the chemistry of the show if it had gone ahead.

The promo is not an enter- taining programme to sit down and watch. It's really a showcase which, not surpris- ingly, doesn't follow any par- ticular story. And some of the clips such as a sequence re-

recorded with American actors from the UK episode, MAR- OONED, are a bit flat.

All in all, it's a shame an American version of RED DvWRF didn't take off. With the resources of imagination, talent and money that can be found in the States, a whole series of wonderful programmes could have been made. Unfortunate- ly, if the people involved in the American pilot were born with any imagination or talent, they evidently left it on the bus on the way to the studios. It's sad the project never fulfilled its pro- mise, but at least we can still treasure the RED DWARF we know and not be embarrassed by a poorly produced, if funny, American version of "Some Guys Have Fun in Space." .%

RED DWARF VI

The most wekome news ihfs month is thai there's definitely going lo be another series of Red Dwarf. Grant Naylor have been given the official green light by the BBC. Work has started on making sure everyone's available for rehearsal and filming (which, ii oppears all the cast will be). Recording should be taking place around February time.

RED DWARF OMNIBUS

The combined version of the Red Dwarf books, due oul on 19th November will also include several other goodies not published before. Read the amazing script from Son of Cliche which sparked the original idea for Red Swarf! See the original beer mat on which the idea was first scribbled! Peruse the pilot script which led to the series! And marvel at Rob Grant and Doug Naylor's afterwerd in which they talk about everything you've read, seen and perused!

As we told you last month, the writers ore taking the opportunity to make some minor changes to the text. But don't panic! It seems the two individual novels will still be available in their original form. And if you buy both, think haw much fun you can have working out where the changes are!

OO-Etw

As well as being involved in Red Dwarf, its writers are working on a new comedy science fiction series for ITV. Trie original idea behind The Oo-ee-oO Dimension was a comedy version of The Twilight lone. But Rob Grant ana Doug Naylor say it's now drifted a little away from that concept. The series is currently "in development" with Carlton Television who take over Thames TV's week-day licence lo broadcast to London in 1993.

RED DWARF IN GRAPHIC DETAIL

Feelers are being extended from the Grant/Naylor offices for someone to produce a Red Dwarf graphic novel (that's a posh term for a comic strip in book lorm). We'll keep you posted on any further devel- opments.

The first Red Dwarf novel as recorded by Chris Sarrie is available by mail order now (see below for a special readers' offer). The total and unabridged version, brought to life by Ihe after ego af the great Arnold J. Rimmer himself, fills no less than six cassettes. The double- cassette abridged version lo be sold in Ihe shops should be ready far Christmas. Laughing Stock Productions, who produced the talking Book, will be charting with writers Rob Grant and Doug Naylor to make sure they approve of the edits before it's released. So if you're writing o note lo Santa Claus this year, make sure you let him know which version you want!

SPECIAL OFFER TO Oil* READERS!!! The unabridged talking book of the Red Dwarf bestseller - Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers by Grant Naylor ond read by Chris Barrie - is now available ay mail order at the special Red Dwarf Smegazine readers' offer price of £19.99, including P & P. Just send a cheque or postal order (not cosh!) lo; LAUGHING STOCK PRODUC- TIONS, PO Box 408. London SW1I 6JJ. (Allow 21 days for delivery.)

CRAIG CHARLES IN AMERICA

Craig has been in discussions with some American producers about appearing in a sit- com Stoles-side. "I don't think it's going to hap- pen," Craig told Ihe Smegazine. "I just don't trust the Americans enough. I'm glad that il looks like I'm going to be pulling out rather than them pulling out on me. That's doing my confi- dence no end af good because they all seem to want me. Now I'm just thinking not."

CHARLES

Look out for a rather scary programme on Hallowe'en night starring Craig Charles, Michael Parkinson Saroh Greene and Mike Smith. "It's going lo be really good," enthuses Craig. "Il's aboul ghosts and we're doing a programme called Ghost Watch, but I really can't say any more because I'm sworn to secrecy." Il's an BBC1 Saturday October 31st - probably at 9.25pm.

WEATHER TO WATCH CRAIG?

Craig will also be delving into that great obses- sion of the British - ihe weather! He'll be look- ing at some of the more dramatic aspects of the climate in Weather Watch which promises great special effects and costumes. Craia's going ail over England, location filming for me six-week series. Apparently he has many weather connec- tions including losing his beloved (uninsured) 1944 US jeep in the 1987 storm when it was squashed under a four hundred year old tree! The series of ten minute episodes begins on Sunday 1st November, BBC1 al 6.1 5pm.

Craig Charles will be hosting the first virtual reality game show. Cybenone will be a million miles awoy from Going for Gold! ond more like a cross between The Crpial Maze and Red Dwarf (whatever thai means). BBC sources sug- gest it'll be an BBC 2 sometime nexl yeor.

CRAIG CHARLES ON YOUR RADIO

It doesn'l matter where you go, il seems you can't escape Craig Charles. Radio 4 listeners will welcome his return on Loose Ends, producing off-the-wall reports on off-the-wall subjects. Though don't expect to hear him every week (Saturday mornings 10am), as he shares the guest slot with several other celebs. And if you live in London you may gel Ihe chance to wake up with Croig Charles five days a week! It looks like Craig could be presenting the morning show on Kiss FM from October. Turn your dial to 100MHz.

THE CHRIS BARRIE EMPIRE

Chris "Rimmer" Barrie returns to ihe mast chaot- ic leisure centre in the country to make a new series starling the incredulous Mr Britlas. He should be working on this until the end of the year and il isn't expected to reach our TV screens until January at the earliest. Anyone who wants lo see Mr Britlas in the flesh (oah er!) might like to try contacting the BBC ticket unit about being one of the studio audience.

THE CAT MADE MARIAN

A Christmas special of Maid Marion ond Her Merry Men featuring Danny John- Jules os Barringlon will form pari of Children's BBC's December schedule. A transmission date is yet to be fixed, but it's expected to be shown in the week before Christmas.

Meonwhile, the new series chronicling the whacky tales of the fashion-conscious Robin Hood is already in the can, and should be on your screens next year. What's more Danny John- Jules is already in discussion with ihe Been about making yet another series with Maid Marian and the gang!

LISTER AND KRYTEN CONVENE TOGETHER

Craig Charles and Robert Llewellyn are booked to appear at a Science Fiction Convention at the end of November But the sod news for us Brits is that it's in Chicago!

TREK DWARF

A convention for British Red Dwarf fans is planned for Sth-7th March 1 993 in Leicester. As the name suggests, it's a joint Red Dwarf/Stor Trek convention. Peopie expected lo attend are a number of behind -trie-scenes Slat Trek people and Editor of the Smegazine, Mike Butcher (a guest worth the entrance fee on his own (a- hem!)). Il costs £25 to attend, but we suggest you write off to them enclosing an S.A t. for details before sending off any quids. You can contort them by writing to: TREK/DWARF, 47 Marsham, Orion Goldhoy, Peterborough. Cambridgeshire PE2 5RN

Banhams are pleased with Ihe way Red Dwarf costumes and props sold al iheir recent auction. The twenty-eight lots raised a tola) of £4450.

RED DWARF NEWS HOUND:

Jane Killick

ARNOLD J RIMMER

MORE LIFE,

MORE DIARIES

Dictated to, and transcribed by, Holly —

yeah, bloody Muggins here, doing

absolutely everything as usual!

(wiUi a little help from Steve Lyons)

30

Tape on.

Holly, it's me — Duke, t know I swore never to subject my enlightening memoirs to the deranged processes of your Inadequate mind ever again, but something very important occur- red today, and since your black box recording will no doubt be more con- cerned with what we had for supper tonight, I felt it was my duty to record this momentous event for posterity. Hotly, we've finally found them. The aliens are here! What do you think about that, eh?

What? Holly, never mind the nickname — what about the aliens? Look, 'Duke' was always my nickname in the Space Scouts — I fail to see why I should stop using it now just because, for some incomprehensible reason, you find it mildly amusing. Since always, Holly. Now just shut up, will you, and let me tell you about the aliens!

No Hoiiy. I know you havent detected anything — but then, you didn't detect anything when 'Starbug' went screaming down that time hole last week, did you? Not a word as we had to switch to manual and I took com- mand and guided that ship and its ragamuffin crew through the most devastating space battle which ever raged through the cosmos, back to safety through a freak wormhole, the slightest deviation in course threaten- ing an instant and gruesome death for all of us. And what was your total con- tribution to the situation? What was the first thing you said, once we'd

braved the dangers alone and return- ed to our own reality? "Watch yourselves lads, I think that last turn shook the toilet seat loose!" Honest- ly, you're about as useful as a Pot Noodle in a famine! Holly, we were being shot at, and when — thanks to my blinding turn of speed on the controls — we avoided the missile, it continued straight on in- to the upper atmosphere. Now if that's not a raging space battle, I'm the Queen of Spain.

Yes, okay, so Lister actually operated the controls — but it was old Amie giv- ing the orders, calling the shots, map- ping the...

Look, you air-headed bimbo, that's not the point. And anyway, that isn't the subject under discussion at the mo- ment. I'm here to talk about the aliens, okay?

Right. Well as it happens, a few of my possessions went missing today. My Long Service medals, for a start, and I can't say I'm too happy about that! My fountain pen vanished as well — and I don't just mean any old fountain pen, I mean the lucky one, the 'Guaranteed Pass' pen that I used to take into my exams with me. Yes, yes, okay, so I failed a few little exams! Doesn't everyone? I was just getting into my stride. One more chance, one last attempt, and it was an officer's pips for me — but no, I had to get hit in the face with a blast of radiation instead, didnt I? So don't tell me about my lucky pen Hol- ly, because it was never even given a chance!

Look Holly, just shut up, okay? I'm talk- ing about what happened to my medals and to my pen today. And it's pretty obvious what's behind it all, isn't it?!

No, not my own incompetence, you goit. Aliens!

Yes, aliens! I thought that'd shake you. More tomorrow, Holly, when I've in- vestigated this matter further. Tape off.

MARCH

31

Tape on.

More information on the alien presence. There's definitely something going on here, Holly. I checked the toilet roll situation today

— aliens always seem to go for that

— and you know what? We've gone through six whole rolls in the last

week! Now if that's not alien interven- tion, I don't know what is. Of course I know what I'm talking about! This has happened before, you know.

So? What if I did cook dinner on Tuesday?

Holly, I hardly think my beautiful kip- per stew and sugar dumplings can in any way be blamed for what is clearly the work of an intelligent alien race, now do you?

Look Holly, it's a closed subject. I'm dictating vital evidence on extra- terrestrial activities here, for future generations to study, so just let me get on with it.

Now as I was saying, I found two more inexplicable occurrences as well. Firstly. I paid our old quarters a visit, only to find that the sheets had been stripped from the beds. And secondly, I noticed the Dream Recorder was missing. Holly, I want you to get right on to this. There must be some weird sort of cryptographic significance to the combination of these five phenomena, and I want you to use all your powers of deduction — God help us! — to find it. lb give you a start, I suspect we're looking for a message along the lines of "Hello, we are the Quagaars, and we have come to provide you all with perfect new bodies and take you off to our paradise home." Something like that. Of course, I will continue — for the sake of all who may hear this recor- ding m the future — to update my per- sonal log on a daily basis, for at least as long as the alien visitation continues. Tape off, Holly. Until tomorrow.

27

Tape on.

Okay Holly, this is important. I... Eh? Since when? Holly, I missed a few measly days — I was busy, for smeg's sake! Now look...

The aliens? What...? Oh, those aliens! Holly, as you know full well, aliens don't reveal their presence just like that. They don't jump out at you from the shadows and shout. "Here we are, have a new body, everybody!" If that was how they operated, they wouldn't be — well, alien, would they? But they were here, Holly. Okay, so they decided not to make contact on this occasion, but mark my words, they'll be back. In fact, they made a fleeting visit last week, just to return the Dream Recorder, and if they're listening, I really would like to get my medals back please, if you've finish- ed with them, thank you. Anyway Hol- ly, in the meantime, I happen to have a problem, if you'll just shut up and let me get on with talking about it.

L-ULX

Thank you. Now look, I could be In big trouble here. You know that stupid an- droid traffic cop that blasted his way on board today? Well, he said we'd parked in orbit around a planet with double yellow rings. I mean, it was ridiculous — but who do you suppose got the blame? Oh yes. always the way, isn't it? If I want Kryten to iron my underpants, all I get is, "I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I have some paint I have to watch drying tonight!" If I give the command to launch a probe, I'm in- variably told which orifice to insert that probe Into. But when some over- zealous android wants someone to slap a traffic violation ticket on, all of a sudden it's "Second Technician A J Rimmer gives all the orders around here, sir — it's him you want to speak to!" And of course, just my luck, the charge for double parking has been increased. It used to be a forty dollar- pound fine — now, for some incom- prehensible reason, it's been altered to 'instant death by laser obliteration". Admittedly, I think the android might have been a little less harsh had the Cat not pissed in his helmet, but even so, it seems a bit steep to me. A side note please. Holly, I must remember to dig out my old copy of the Spaceway Code and check ft out. Anyway, as you know, I'm not one to flout authority. I was ready to take whatever punishment this mechanoid moron deemed appropriate — but as I was turning the corner, I happened to glance over my shoulder, and I was appalled to see what was going on behind me! Lister had only gone and jabbed a pen through the thing's eyehole, short-circuiting its brain. That's murder of a police officer, Hol- ly, even if the officer in question Is a deranged, homicidal android that somehow escaped being switched off three million years ago. Why am I worried? Isn't it obvious? That cowardly goit used my pen! Yes,

that

one, the fountain pen, and what he was doing with It, I don't know! And it's my name on the ticket, ot course — so when an entire squad of kill- crazed Simulants comes to in- vestigate, it's me that'll get the blame, isn't it? That's why I wanted the whole truth recorded here now, so that in the event of my capture and the subse- quent inspection of this ship's records, ft will be made absolutely clear to all concerned that the culprit was not me, Second Technician Arnold Rimmer, but David Lister, Third Technician, RD52169. Thai's Lister. L-l-S-T- Right, right, that's all then. I'll be back tomorrow, Holly, with more of my thoughts and reflections as usual. Maybe things will have calmed down a bit by then. Tape off.

Tape on.

Holly, I am absolutely furious! Why? You know very well why! I made a surprise inspection of the Skutters' work today, and do you know what I found? Three of the idle go its, just sat in the cinema, watching a vid. Yes, I know that's nothing unusual Holly, but it is something I intend to stamp down on, hard. No, what I objected to today was the content of the film. The Most Pathetic Dreams of Arnold Rimmer, volume 1'. Yes. yes, someone had borrowed the Dream Recorder and run off a tape of my most intimate fantasies! It was all there — Yvonne McGruder, Carol McCauiey. Sandra... well look, it doesn't matter what was on it. What I was interested in was who'd recorded it! So I confronted the Cat, at least expecting he'd have the decency to deny it — and he just stood there, in that stupid new shirt he cut from our old bedclothes, and said he'd done it for a laugh! Well, he won't be laughing soon, I can tell you. I loaded sixty ot his favourite suits into a gar- bage pod and shot them out towards that ocean planet we passed the other day. That'll teach him a lesson. It still leaves Lister to deal with, though — I'm thinking of doing the same with his curry spices — it might do the air conditioning a favour as well!

Yes, Lister, he was in on it too — and no apologies from him, either. He just wanted to know how I got into that position with Fiona Barrington in the back of the Jaguar. He was practising it on the bed all day — strained both thigh muscles in the attempt, which serves the gimboid right. And then, Holly, the final humiliation — I got back to my bunk this evening, only to find a peephole bra laying on the pillow, obviously intended as some sort of feeble joke at my expense!

Anyway, there was one bit of good news today. My medals have finally turned up. Apparently, the Cat 'bor- rowed' them as a fashion accessory

— the stupid animal accidentally admitted it at tea tonight. Of course, I sent him off to get them right away

— apparently, they're in the pocket of one of his suits.

His suit pocket...

SMEG!

(Tape ends, inexplicably.)

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THE JiL

pr" INTERVIEW

H H

NORMAN LOVETT

Before the fateful head sex change operation Red Dwarf's erratic computer, Hoily, had a very different face — that of actor and comedian, Norman Lovett, whose TV credits cover the broad spectrum of comedy from 'The Young Ones' to 'Keeping up Appearances'. Earlier this year we visited Norman In his adopted home town of Edinburgh, where he not only kept us entertained for several hours, but insisted on paying the Cafe bill — living In Scotland obviously hasn 't affected him too drastically yet.

)

RED DWARFMAGAZINE: Obviously, what everyone's dying to know is why you left Red Dwarf'.

NORMAN LOVETT: They should have me back in it. No they shouldn't really, I'd want to take over. One of the reasons I left is because I moved to Edinburgh; I met my wife and I didn't want to be away a long time, I didn't want to leave. It was all through Paul Jackson really, he thought I was get- ting too big for my boots, wanting lots of money and stuff, but I wasn't at all. It was the OB — you know when you make a series you're in the studio for six weeks and you also go on location — it was silly, I was sitting in a van with a camera pointing at me while I'm on this monitor on wheels. They could have done those bits in the studio, but they wouldn't So anyway, I'd just met my wife and I didn't want to be away for three months in Manchester, so I said, "Cut out the OB for me, I 'II just do the rehearsals if you can cut the rehearsal days down." They did that, but then they halved the fee and I said, "Hang on, I'm not working for half the fee, because I 'm still going to beon screen as much." In the end I said "forget it then". That was the reason and the producer, Paul Jackson — he's tough, head of Carlton now, a big business

man — thought it was my ego; it wasn't, it was nothing to do with that, so I said. "Well, that's it."

I suppose if I'd really wanted to be in the programme I would have just done it, but I made a decision there not to go on. In a way I felt I had done all I could do with the character; Holly couldn't be a lead character really, he was just an image on screen. With 'Oueeg' they did a Holly episode and realistic- ally I don't think they could have done

any more. So I felt it was a good time to leave as opposed to getting stuck in it. I knew I was going to make my series, even though it wasn't definite then, but fortunately it's all happened now and I've had a chance to move on. Thisreallyismybigchancenowandif I blow this I've had it, I'll be crawling back to Rob and Doug for work. No, I mean it's just the way it goes. Sorry, I don't half go on, don't I? Ask me a question.

ROM: What's the format of the new series?

NL: I did a pilot of it about three years ago; I'm an inventor — Norman's an inventor — he lives in this house with a talking dog which is a puppet, a talking horse which is actually an oil painting of a horse that talks — a very aloof horse. There's also a spider in it, but she doesn't say very much. My neighbours are Darren and Una, nouveau riche — he's got a capri. It's written by myself and Ian Pattison, who wroteRabC. Nesbitt; Idon't know whetheryou watch Rab C. Nesbitt, but he's a very good writer. I'm quietly confident, but at the same time still feel that it could be like the first series of Red Dwarf' — you know, it was good and bad, lots of people didn't like

it at all. But in the second series they really got it together, so I think you really learn a lot from your first series, but I feel it's going to do alright.

RDM: Why was there such a lengthy gap between the pilot and the actual series?

NL: Because Alan Yentob. who's head of BBC2, said itwasabit childish and needed to be more adult — I hadn't got together with Ian then . And then Rab C. Nesbitt took off; the comedy unit at BBC Scotland is quite small, a little family sort of size, and it couldn't cope with making mine as well. So it was put back and in a way that worked out to be a good thing, because I found Ian in the meantime and he made it more ... I don't know, he made it less childish than I had it. I'm very good at simple visual humour, as I am in my stand-up, and Ian gave it more Intellectualism if you like — it just turned out to be a very good partnership. Rob and Doug work together alt the time, but me and Ian don't do that, we just have one meet- ing a week and talk on the phone a couple of times. I write a load of stuff, he does the same, then we put it all together and Ian will do the final structuring of the stories. People think it'sso easy towrite comedy, but it's not —the half hourshow, the sketch, even a one line joke, it's still hard. I'm always delighted when I come up with a good one line joke for my stand up act because it's not easy at all.

RDM: So you still do the stand-up act

then?

NL: Yeah, but I don't do it as much now. I did it last year at the festival here; I wrote 50 minutes of new material and it went down well. I'm hoping on the back of the success of the series — hopefully the success of the series— that III be able to do more stand-up in the Autumn when it goes out. I'll get more people to come and see me, I'll be able to play bigger places and people will be able to see what my stand-up is about.

HDM: How did you first start out doing the comedy?

NL: I started in my early thirties and I'm 45 now, so it's over ten years. I did pubs in London with bands; I did gigs with 999, do you remember them?

The Clash, remember the Clash? Ali that sort of stuff. Then the Comedy Store came along and I went to that — that's when Alexei Sayle and Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmonson were all there. I had a guitar and I did a rock orientated act. I suppose I liked John Cooper Clarke and Ian Dury. I used to do songs and strum along and do a John Peel impression, all that sort of stuff — pretty awful really, but I survived. I had a 12 minute act and it got me started. Then one night at the ComedyStorelwenton.ldidwell.and I went on again without the guitar and started talking. Some of the other comedians said, "You should do that, it's much better you just being your- self." And that was how I started with the hangdog, the slow delivery and all that. There are a lot of comedians that have been doing that — Arnold Brown, Jack Dee, Hattie Hayridge — Hattie Hayridge got accused of being a female Norman Lovett when she started but when I met her she said, "I've never even seen your act." I said, "It doesn't matter, you can do what you like ■"

Anyway Rob and Doug knew me, though Hob knew me better, and I came into 'Red Dwarf — you know the story about it being a voice over at the beginning don't you?

NL: Well I'd done Ruby Wax'sshow on Channel 4 years ago, 'Don't Miss Wax'.

RDM: Was that your first TV by the way?

NL: I'd done bits of my act on television, but 'Don't Miss Wax' was the first sort of cult thing. They made two series of that and I played a floor manager on the show. Then the "Red Dwarf' thing came along and that was offered me. I went along for one of the main parts actually, but I didn't get the job, I can't remember which one.

RDM: Rimmer?

NL: Yes, it was Chris Barrie's part, I couldn't have played the slob. Craig did a slob because, you know, he's not far away from one; he's like that, smoking and all that. He's changed a lot now by all accounts, on the phone he says he's changed a lot. but I don't know, I'll believe it when I see it — he's still very young isn't he?

Anyway, so I didn't get the job, Chris got it; I'll tell you who else was up for that part — the man who played Hancock.

RDM. Alfred Molina?

N L : Yeah he was up for that part. A lot of people, other performers I mean, said to me when it started, "How the hell did Chris Barrie and Craig Charles get the job?" Isuppose other performers are like that with each other. They said it should have gone to other actors, but in a way it was perfect that it went to a poet and impres- sionist, a comedian and a dancer, but it was quite astonishing really. So I was offered the part of Holly and I took it because I needed the work but I was quite upset because it was a voice- over— after Ruby Wax I wanted to stay seen on television you know. Anyway I did it and we got to the third episode, but I was complaining every week, I said I know how Holly can look visually on the screen. So, on the recording of the third episode, they went back and did my bits again and from then on, it was a visual thing.

RDM: So two episodes were actually recorded without you being seen?

NL: I was standing off set with a microphone doing those little lines and there weren't many lines — I got more lines as it developed. They also put that stuff on me, that rubber milk, I really hated it. In the second series I said no I want to be more human, so I got out of having all that stuff put on

me. But I did still want him to appear more human as well, because I thought it was funny that he should actually be this moaning old git, but he was quite cheeky, wasn't he? I mean the stuff they wrote for me was fantastic, it was good stuff, a bit rude and playgroundy at times, a bit sick at times as well, but good stuff.

RDM : How did you find working with Hattie Hayridge when she came along?

NL: OK, it was OK. The only thing I was cross about — this isn't Hattie's fault — Rob and Doug promised me when I left there'd be a new character and they'd change Holly completely. I was very upset when they got her in, because I wanted it to remain my part and them to get a very different type of Holly, but they didn't do that. I just felt that instead of doing it my way, which I felt she was trying to do, she could have done it another way and should have done it another way, but that's not all her fault.

RDM: But she was more or less continuing what she had already established in the 'Parallel Universe' episode.

NL: Yes, I suppose she was. There was one episode when she had slicked back hair and she was taster

I 1.11 m.i tnai was lava dona it. That's

and belted it out. I how she should have done it. That's me, that's my opinion, I could be wrong. But I got on alright with her; before she did the first episode she tried to get hold of copies of all the other episodes and I lent them to her — I've still got series one and two on tape — to help her play the part, because she had to play my opposite and be like me I don't expect her to send me any money for giving her this opportunity in television (laughs)l

RDM: You've obviously kept up with the programme.

NL: Yes, except I missed the last series, apart from a couple of them, because I was making my own series I didn't get the chance to see them. What did you think of the last series, was it good?

RDM: They seemed to cut down the comedy elements in favour of more solid science fiction; it was great stuff, but personally we'd prefer it if there were more laughs.

NL: It's great to get the laughs, isn't it? I mean a great woofer from the audience, that's what it 's all about and I think that's what a lot of fans really like.

RDM: We heard that there is a possibility that the next series might not be recorded in front of a studio audience.

NL: Well Ididn't record mine in front of a studio audience, Iota of comedies aren't now. You get it all done and edited then show it to a studio audience three episodes a night and collect the laughter. The good thing about a studio audience is it makes you nervous and you get it right first time and you get your timing right. If I say a tunny line I'll wait for the laugh to come in before I gat on with my next one, if you haven't got the audience there how much ola gap do you leave for the laugh? How cheeky can you get? Do you say, "there's a good ten second laugh there"? You cant do that, so it's up to them to shorten the laughs when they edit. It's the editing which is the clever part of this business, of course you want the talent in the first place, good writing, good production team and then a good editor, an editor's vary important

especially for something like 'Red Dwarf'.

RDM: Would you go back and play Holly if the part was open again?

NL: I'd probably do a one-off if they asked me to do an episode. Itwould be quite nice lo meet the others again, that would bring back memories.

RDM: Perhaps they could do another parallel universe story and you could be Hilly!

NL: (laughing) It's funny how people do repeat themselves. I was watching Ruby Wax — she's on BBC1 now — and she's copying some of the things she did on Channel 4 when I was with her. Because not many people saw those she can use the ideas again and no-one's going to know, she's got another audience.

ROM: Did you go back and do that show again when you finished 'Red Dwarf', or are we getting confused with the repeats?

NL: I never worked with Ruby again, she left and went to BBC2 and didn't use me anymore. I didn't mind that really, because all I did in that was play this gormless floor manager — I wrote my own material for that one — and that was like, you know, being stuck. Dame Edna Everage has that stupid woman who says nothing and I didn't want to be trapped doing one of those, although I spoke and did jokes. Really at the end of the day you want to know how far you can go as a comic and I knew I should be further up than that. Perhaps I'm wrong, perhaps after October you might say, "Yeah, he was bloody wrong," but I don't think I am.

RDM: The only thing we can remember from that particular Ruby Wax series is your character.

NL: That's great, I got a lot of good reaction from that because I was scoring good points in it; I suppose in Red Dwarf I scored big points as well. It's always nice to be in something small, knowing what you're doing and getting your laughs — that's what it's about, doing comedy, getting your laughs.

RDM: Do you prefer writing your own

material?

NL: Not if it's some good stuff. When Rob and Doug came in with some good stuff or when Ian came in and we co-wrote the series, it was a pleasure that someone else had written it and I could go and do it, you know.

RDM: You weren't tempted to add any lines of your own at all?

NL: No, not if it's right. If it's right you do it and that's it. It's hard to write everything, I'd love to be Ben Elton or someone like that, but he can't act and I can act, so I can do something he can't do — he's probably not a very good driver, but I'm not very good either. But he is phenomenal, Ben Elton, he's unbelievable. Then again so was Benny Hill really, all the new people were saying Benny Hill's sexist, and he was. but some of his earlier work years ago was bloody funny and to be that consistent, to do that many shows! Now he's dead you'll see as the years go by, his name will keep popping up because he's a great artist that will be remembered. He was a very funny man — just a dirty old bastard as well. But so are a lot of alternative comedians deep down inside; there are a lot of sexist men about, they just hide it and pretend to be right on with their Guardians, but they're just as bad really.

RDM: What sort of contemporary comedians do you like?

NL: I think probably Rowan Atkinson, technically what he does is brilliant — he's a mime artist as well as doing his funny voices and characters. I think, although he's very good, there's still something missing from him, Ifeel the

soul isn't there. Alexei Sayle's very good. Rik MayaH's very good, Adrian Edmonson — I think Adrian gets a lot of stick from people, but he's very talented. Harry Enfield's very funny, Arnold Brown, but Arnold's a friend of mine so I'm cheating there a bit. but he is funny. You don't know who he is do you? He's a Glaswegian comedian. I also like Steve Martin and Woody Allen American-wise. But I think when you're a comedian it's hard to laugh,, it's a shame because you only laugh at something that's really good, you're marking it like a teacher sometimes.

BOM: Do you still get fan mail for Red Dwarf?

NL: Yeah, not many though, I just happen to have had two this morning. In fact, I've had a few lately, but I put it down to the second series coming out on video, people have seen me and remembered me. When I was in the first and second series I used to get a few letters, but not as many as Craig Charles, he used to have thousands — or so he said, but he always lied anyway.

RDM: And do people approach you in the street?

NL:Welia bloke came up to me before I met you and said "Norman Lovett, I remember you in Nether Wallop!" I was in a programme from Nether Wallop where I did my stand-up act, and he said "that was a great routine you did in that programme" and that was in 1985, seven years ago, so I said "I've done some stuff in between that", but he was very nice. So yeah, I get recognised, but I haven't been on telly now for quiteawhile really— apart

from the Sugar Puffs voice over; people just know the voice because I 've been doing that for about three years now. Hopefully when the series comes out in October I'll have more impact because I haven't been seen for a while. You recognised me, didn't you? You spoke tome.

RDM: Yes we did, is there anything else you want to say about your new series, youknow, give it a plug?

NL: It'scalled 'I Lovett', it'son BBC2. I'm playing myself, but I should say it's myself before I got married and settled down with a family, because — well I live with a talking dog! Whether that 'sin my character's imagination or not ... because you do talk to yourself when you live on your own, you do it less when you have a family because there's always someone to talk to.

I've had to use the name because Norman Lovett is afunny name. I think my wife was a bit upset that I couldn't use another name because she was worried about Lilly and whether it would effect herwhenshe went backto school, she was thinking about going backto using herown name, Morrison

— there are some funny people about who actually think you live with atalking dog. Hancock was Tony Hancock in his thing, wasn't he? They insist your name's in the title because you're a product and you're selling yourself.

RDM: The episodes you're doing, are they straightforward storylines like 'Only Fools and Horses' or is there more bouncing around as in 'The Young Ones'?

NL: No. I'dsay pretty strong storylines, we're not doing a cabaret every ten minutesorastand-upact, none of that. We have tried different things but it has strong stories in every episode. I think people like that — 'The Young Ones' was very funny, but when I watched it back recently I thought it had really dated and had lost something because it didn't have strong stories. 'Python' dated as well whereas something like the 'Goon Show' didn't and I think 'Fawlty Towers' will always stand up. I don't know about 'Red Dwarf' because it's too new, the fans are loyal though, they'll take it to the grave with them. What are Rob and Doug up to now?

RDM: They 're doing a science fiction anthology for Carlton.

NL: That's Paul Jackson again. I thought they needed something to move on to. They've done two books haven't they? Because they were up here at a signing and I went to see them with my wife and daughter, we went and surprised them. And last year I went down to London and stayed at Rob's for the night, so there's no bad feeling or anything. There was for a time when I left; they were ringing me up all the time saying, "What are you doing? Why aren't you going to be i n it?" The phone was going all the time, it was unbelievable. It was good though, it made you feel wanted.

I guess it wasiustoneof those things. You can't say it was all money, if I d been that desperate for money I'd have stayed on another three series and I'd still have done quite well. So money doesn't rule me, it does rule a lot of people in this business, but it doesn't with me, not at all. How much are you giving me for this interview? .%

RED DWARF INTERVIEWERS: CHRIS HOWARTH & STEVE LYONS

I

The first...

and greatest of them all!

Action every two months from

foi ficns

- The home of heroes!

RIMMER

NAME: Arnold Judas Rimmer.

KNOWN ALIASES:

Bonehead, goaf post-head, Trans-am wheel-arch nostrils, smeg-tor-bfains. etc. Would very much like to be known as Ace, Duke or Captain A J Rimmer. Space Adventurer.

SPECIES: Formerly human, now returned from death as a hotop/amatic representation of his former serf.

OCCUPATION: Pain in the arse. Formerly a Second Technician in charge of 'Red Dwarf's' Z Shift. His most Important task was making sure the dispensers didn't run out of fun- size Crunchie bars, and his most frequent one was undogglng their chicken soup nozzles

ORIGINS: The youngest of tour brothers, and a constant disappointment to his demanding parents. While John. Frank and Howard were earning top-notch fobs through the Space Corps Academy. Arnold was having to earn his meals by answering astro-navigation questions set by his father. He nearly

diedl Eventually divorcing his parents at age fourteen, he blamed much of his subsequent lack of achievement. upon their influence,

EDUCATION At the hated to House, where he seems to have ieemt nothing whatsoever. Arnold later look • Mm course at night school and a maintenance course at Saturn lech,

but c

he

was never able to enter the Space Corps Academy

SKILLS Ermrnmmm...

HOBBIES Leading the Skutters in recitals of Hammond Organ 'flatlet'; taking sight-seeing holidays on the diesel decks; morris dancing (though not as much aa he'd like, aa no bugger'H Join hrml); war gaming, particularty 'Risk' (his every dice roi in when he can remember rnseoiousry). the study of twentieth century telegraph poles. What a guy!

MUSICAL TASTES PrirrwNy, the Hammond Organ music of Reggie Wilson, whose atbuma include 'Reggie Wilson Plays the Lift Music Classes'

ana 'Funking Up Wagner". Also a tan of pertormers as diverse as Moreover*, and Jamas LsaL as est aa one ReggM Dixon, about whom sue is known

beyond the utle of one of r>« albums. 'TsnrjoTrsssV.Thaiisys<ail,wetheikl

ROLE MODEL8: Napoleon. Napoleon and Napoleon Oh. and

Napoleon

KNOWN ASSOCIATES:

— Porky Roebuck, hie one true friend at to House — unta he lad a gang of Space Scouts In a cannibalistic attempt upon Arnold's kte

— Fred Thick/ Hrjtosn, wflh whom he shared a school rjormaory Holden later want on id ■nvent the Tension Sheet, thus becoming a muiii-

— Sandra, the gal from Cadet School

to whom Arnold aamed to have tost hie vugiraty

- A gal cased terrene who. teas man impressed by has attempt a hypnceJii. moved » PtulD to avoid dating hen.

— Rone Barrtngion, with whom he thought he'd got somewhere, until It transpired that he'd merely had hia hand in warm compost.

— Carol McCauiey, rha nwarjwr* of ha secret tove notes

— Yvonne McQruder, 'Red Dwarfs' female boning champion, with whom he had tm one and only sexual encoums* In las. Concussed M the time, ana mistook rem for somebody called Norman.

— Donald, a hypnotherapist who was able to regress hen to a past We. revesting that he had once been. Alexander me Great's chief eunuch)

— Nlrvanah Crane, a Flight Commander on the Holoship Enughlenmant; who became the first person to truly fa* «i tove wMh Arnold

— iromceHy, wet after hia own death.

GROUP AFFILIATIONS: Iresaurer of the Kammond Organ Owners Soctaty. also a member of the Love Celibacy Scoety me to Amateur War- Gamers and the Recrsstors of the Baftto of Neesdsn Society. Naturally Arnold apart some time both to the Space Scouts and m Cadet School — more surprisingly, he also toined the Samaritans, though for only one morning AH five of the people he •poke to commttted suicide, despss the tact that one of them wee s wrong

AMBfTrONS: To meat up with an •-en face, get a new oody go back m lima, pass rvs exams and become an officer In the Space Corps. Yes, Indssdy. *

Dear Hoi,

it's no good, despite Kryten's excellent tips on tying, I just cannot get the phrase "Neighbours is an excellent television programme" to sound convincing. But I cant be the only one. Nobody is that good, surely?

Also, in the 'Plus!' section of the previews of the May Issue of RDM, you stated "Plus - two rather nice staples down the spine of the magazine." But when my June issue arrived it only had one staple!! Now, I'm not one to be picky, but one of the reasons I buy ROM Is for the superior quality of the staples used! Just what the other reasons are I haven't quite discovered. Sue Graham, Grand borough.

Dear Holly,

Having an 10 of 6000, you should be

able to tell me whether a rather

astonishing realisation is true or

false. Reading my TV Guide, I

noticed that a film was on named

"The Admirable Crichton" which I

realised was a saying from Red

Dwarf II. After a lot of detective

work, one large dictionary that I had

had an entry of:

CRICHTON, JAMES (1560-1585) -

Scottish prodigy of intellectual

accomplishments said to have

disputed on scientific questions in

twelve languages.

ADMIRABLE CRICHTON- Nickname

given to the above; hence any

versatile person.

Is this the person Kryten is named

after?

Mike Brkjgs, Unstone.

Dear Editor,

Congratulations on Red Dwarf Magazine. The 'blueprint' you mentioned In issue 5 seems to be developing eaoh month, giving a distinctive and entertaining feel to the mag. I was pleased to read some original RD comic strips as well as the TV adaptations, and I particularly appreciated another visit to the parallel universe in issue 5. It's obvious that the RDM team are die-hard tans, just by looking at the depth of the articles and strips. I was non-plussed with your debut cover, but issue 5's was undoubtedly the best yetl Whereas some TV-related magazines are content with merely using photo shots, here are detailed and excellent paintings, which I think reflect a sense of maturity and sophistication (a bit like series V of the TV show). Keep up the good work on that front. James Roberts, Guernsey.

/ know this letter seems a tittle bit out of date, now that we have reached issue 9. but James has such wonderful things to say about our magazine that I just had to print his letter. Cheers, James, the cheque's in the post! Seriously though, I'm pleased to hear that you liked the way the magazine ■ sorry, Smegazine ■ is developing and I hope that you still do.l will be vary interested to find out what readers tNnk of this issue's cover, which is something of a departure in style from our previous painted or photo covers. As I've said before, I am going for variety, but I'd like to know what the great Red Dwarf public thinks on this matter.

Dear Red Dwarf Smegazine, I wish to protest! Who, I ask, who at your magazine was wally enough to print the heinous rubbish that was the cartoon strip "Ace Rimmer, Space Adventurer"?)? The storyline was about as original as a joke about a chicken crossing the road. A bit from series II here, a snippet from series IV there. The exchange between Ace & Deb was similar -to soppy teenage romance stories in Jackie annuals, and Ace himself resembled a demented Mike RekJI And lastly, the point made that the female Rimmer was the most sad and worthless ever really made me chuck. Blatant sexism, I tell you. blaiant!!! Please do not put any other left-overs from the five-course meal of Red Dwarf in your otherwise wholly untainted magazine. Kristine Kochanski. Brlghouse.

Well, this letter refers to issue 5 too, and hopefully proves that we don't just print complimentary letters. I'm sorry that you didnt like the first Ace Rimmer story that we ran, Kristine (surely not that Kristine?), but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you preferred the 'Ace of the Rovers" story we ran last issue. I'm not quite certain we were being sexist in issue 5's story, though, as Arlene Rimmer is more or less an exact equivalent of good old Arnold J. We didnt intend to imply that she was even more of a sad individual than him! However, your views have been noted and your comments are always most welcome, good or bad.

HOLLY-GRAMS

Red Dwarf Smegazine

Fleetway Editions Limited

25-31 Tavistock Place

London WClH 9SU

NEXT ISSUE'-

-*- ^ m,r strip*

o«»^"3f,.wmc:r.

HOWARD GOOOALL JAKE

muss 10 V°u'

,avoonles wa» Head (or wgh'f ■ up lot sale

WRtTEQ STEVE LWN&, Aert&T EON SMITH, COLOUR' LETT&1& BUT* FEU-

HBDMMFUJltfDDWJ

"THE AMERICAN DREAM" -

OR "TWO WRITERS FROM MALDAVIA"

The experiences of Rob Grant and Doug Nay tor in the U.S.A.

as related to Jane Killick

Early in 1992, hopes were high that RED DWARF would follow in the footsteps of many other British sit-coms by getting its own American version. The Americans had had their eyes on the show for some time. But the Creators and Writers of the series, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, weren't prepared to let just anyone get their grubby lit- tle paws on the series.

"We'd had offers for years from America," Rob Grant ex- plains, "and they usually were of the ilk where they say, 'hey, we really love the idea, does it have to be set on a space ship?' And usually they'd come over and take us out for extravagant lunches and say, 'we really think the American audiences won't relate to a dead guy and the Cat's too weird' and that stuff."

After years of sending TV Moguls back on the Boeing, Universal (along with NBC) came up with an attractive deal that seemed to be in the spirit of the original series.

Rob Grant and Doug Naylor were invited over to the States as Creative Consultants on the show. "We expected to go over there this January and see it being made and just basically say, 'we think Lister's hair should be parted on the left', you know," says Rob. "In fact we got off the plane in Hollywood and we started work- ing the instant we hit the hotel... We were doing re-writes all week and he (the Producer) was working us like a dog and we had jet-lag and it was

horrible."

Rob and Doug had a lot of input at script level, but op- timism began to fade when it came to recording the show. "RED DWARF is a very difficult TV show to make in terms of the effects and you do need ex- perience in shooting science fiction," explains Rob. "You can't use wide shots, for in- stance. If you look at ALIEN there is not a single shot of peo- ple's feet because the instant you see it's a set you've blown it. And so the rule is: shoot it as tight as you can and cut as quick as you can, and all this stuff.

"The Director's experience came from NIGHT COURT and he was kind of shooting NIGHT COURT in space and we were saying, 'no, light it NICE, there's no need to turn all the lights on, turn some of them OFF'."

One of the tricks used a lot in RED DWARF is the split screen where two parallel parts of a scene are shot at different times using the same camera then merged together so it looks like there are, for example, two Rimmers on RED DWARF at the same time. Rob remembers the American Assistant Director didn't really understand the con- cept: "We were going around saying things like — trying to be polite, but also trying to make sure they do it right — 'you do realise you have to lock the camera off with the split and sort of put armed guards round It so people don't knock the camera?' And she said, 'oh no,

HID DWARF USA

ID DWAI

;a red dwarf

we were going to use two cameras to do the split screen' and I was thinking, 'oh my God they've got a whole new technology over here that I know nothing about, what a wonderful idea!' " But it turned out they intended separating the two halves of the screen with some sort of blue line! "They simply had no ex- perience of shooting special ef- fects or anything like that. (On) the day of recording it was just a complete nightmare.

"They'd gone along with the dictum of wanting to play- down the science fiction... They knew nothing about science fic- tion and didn't think it mattered. In the pilot script when Lister picks up Rimmer's light-bee and throws it in the air, the light bee's described as a 'gizmo' and that's when the chills started going up my spine and I thought this has no chance."

Rob and Doug were also unhappy about the casting and would have re-cast if they had had the power to do so. Craig Bierko's Lister obviously didn't fit the part as it was originally written, and Rob remembers

trying to explain this to the Pro- ducer. "We said, 'look, Craig Bierko is too good-looking to play the part of this guy who can't get a date with this girl (Kochanski)'. And everybody, all the crew were saying it. And all the women on the crew were gog-like about Craig Bierko... And the Network executives took us into this little room at the end of the show and said 'Craig Bierko doesn't work, he's too good-looking'... We had the weekend to rewrite the show and make it so he wasn't just a loser and it's kind of hard to completely re-create the character over the weekend and I think a lot of the rest of the show suffered because of it. In fact the whole opening scenes, up until the first sleeping quarters scene were never rehearsed, they just went on in front of the camera and did the best they could. So that ex- plains part of why it's a bit flat at the beginning."

Doug recollects that the American team didn't seem to have anything new to bring to the show other than American actors, "It's really like they didn't

have an original thought. And we began to get seriously wor- ried about whether the show could sustain at all. It was born out really because when we got the next four scripts they'd just crossed out Rob Grant and Doug Naylor and put like Lin- wood Boomer on them."

"We couldn't believe it when we first went out there that they had actually copied the en- tire set," adds Rob. "They had the same ashtrays! God knows how they got them. They bought these special space-age ashtrays in! I tell you, going round with jet-lag and worked out of your n"s and listening to the same dialogue from American voices on the same set was a very unreal experience."

"Also Rimmer was played by a guy called Chris Eigeman, Lister was played by a guy call- ed Craig Bierko," adds Doug. "So you got "Craig" and "Chris" going, then you see Robert (Llewellyn) there and you think, 'oh we're back in England'. And then you go. 'I can't cope with this, I'm gonna have a cup of coffee'. And I went to have a cup of coffee and the Mars bars were called Milky Ways and the Milky Ways were called Mars bars. And you just think, 'oh, it's just a parallel universe'!"

After the disappointing pilot was completed, Rob Grant and Doug Naylor were called in to make a short promo film which would hopefully lead to a series being commissioned. "NBC really wanted a female Cat and they really wanted to recast Rimmer," explains Doug. "We didn't want a female Cat... We felt we couldn't just change Danny's part and give it to a woman and it would be the

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same... I'm not sure there'd be any comedy there going 'hey, aren't I fabulous looking?' — because she is!"

The clash of the American and British cultures were very much evident while they were recasting. "When we were try- ing to recast Rimmer," says Rob, "the number of actors who came in and did such phony British accents ta try and — I don't know — it's so curious. A lot of them treat you like you're from Maldavia, you know The Two Writers from Maldavia'."

Doug remembers one ac- tor whom, at first, they thought had a speech Impediment. "He sat there and started to say, 'hi, how are you? How's it going? How long have you been in town?' — all this. His accent was just so extraordinary, like a cross between Dick Van Dyke doing his cockney accent and I thought, 'oh the poor guy, there's something wrong with him' and the American casting woman was going, 'oh wow, oh neat, oh wow, that's just so ter- rific! ' and it turns out he was do- ing what he thought was a very, very good British accent. And suddenly he started speaking in an American accent, and it was like, 'oh you're NOT an idiot!' "

Despite the many faults in the American pilot, Doug believes it could have worked if the series had been made. "All we needed was six shows and it would have made it... Craig Bierko would have been a star. Robert would have been a mega-star. We could have always changed Rimmer. Terri Farrell (the female Cat), although it doesn't really come across in the promo, is a very very funny comedienne, really really funny. I wasn't crazy about Holly, but not offensive, certainly anybody over there who speaks with an English accent they just fall around at."

Although NBC chickened out of making the series, CBS expressed an interest and sug- gested a series of six American episodes to Rob and Doug. "We got a two-page fax from these two writers in Los Angeles," explains Rob. "They weren't going to make it three million years in the future, they were going to make it like a cou- ple of hundred years so that people weren't too worried and so that Earth was still there and they were going to have contact with Earth and the basic mis- sion was for Lister to get 'babes' was how they described it. They weren't going to have a Cat at all, they were going to have a character called Veronica. Her plus point was that she was — what do they call it? — ISSUE ORIENTATED — so that she would bring issues to it. And they asked for a reply and we said '**!** off and die', basically."

Despite the enthusiasm over RED DWARF in the States, the project has been shelved. Although, according to Rob, the Americans are still very keen on £ the idea. "I wouldn't be shock- ed if Universal come up with DUDES IN SPACE," he com- mented dismissively. *

CRAIG BIERKO

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